.jpg)
- After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn’t want to eat for the rest of the week anyways.
- Remember: Life isn’t about having amazing experiences, it’s about making mediocre experiences look awesome on Facebook.
- I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
- That awkward moment when your kindness is mistaken with flirting.
- Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
- It sounds fun, Autocorrect, but I am enjoying beers with Jess, not Jesus.
- I like most people as long as they’re not behind a steering wheel or a keyboard.
- Every time I eat Chinese I feel like I weigh won ton.
- Hashtags make your posts completely invisible to me.
- If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace, how many bedrooms would your mansion have?
- Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that shit.
- Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
- Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
- Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else
- Hey you guys making fun of the people you see in Walmart…you were in Walmart too.
- My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
- Women don’t go crazy, they are crazy. They just “go normal” from time to time.
- I’d be a great cat because I hate everyone but insist everyone loves me.
- ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
- Girls who say “a lot of guys are after me” should keep in mind that low price always attract many customers
Tags: Laugh Worthy Facebook Status Updates
